1. dinosaurs are always walking around killing things and eating them raw. when other animals try to get in on the hot dinner action, dinosaurs are like “GET THE F*#K OUT OF HERE BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU” which is something that most humans would be too scared to actually say to an animal.
2. when dinosaurs get engaged, you dont have to hear about it every ten seconds via facebook status updates. “dinner with my fiance!” “im the luckiest girl in the world! :)” “miss my fiance! :(” yeah, we get it, youre engaged. while you are having your kids and going to parent-teacher conferences, i will be busy not getting grief for playing basketball during the week, snorting lines off of a pregnant hookers ass, and sleeping in on the weekends. no, but seriously, we are all happy for you…
3. dinosaurs arent afraid of stupid stuff like earthquakes, thunderstorms, meteors, or tornados. its like, whatever happens, happens. you cant change things you have no control over, and that is something dinosaurs have always been really good at understanding. in hindsight, dinosaurs should probably fear meteors. probably more than anything else.
4. cant find a bathroom? no problem for dinosaurs. they will just make dump and weenus all over the place, no matter where they are or who is looking. as a matter of fact, i cant remember the last time i saw a dinosaur actually use a toilet. and thats hardass.
5. dinosaurs are always telling awesome stories about how much cheaper air tarvel was during pangaea.
6. you always know exactly where you stand with a dinosaur. if they attack, maul, and eat you, chances are pretty good that they didnt care much for you to begin with. i have a couple former human friends that remind me of dinosaurs, actually…
7. dinosaurs never tell a ninja or pirate related jokes. yeah, ninjas and pirates are hilarious. we know. enough.
8. all of the dinosaurs that starred in “jurassic park” are all fairly level-headed and approachable. its important that success not go to your head.
9. 86% of dinosaurs agree that every single guy who watches UFC is a complete douchebag.
10. dinosaurs are fierce. and not in the way that tyra banks in fierce. in a totally and completely and way more badass kind of way. so they have that going for them, which is nice.